Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
