i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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