Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
