If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
