I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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