He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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