So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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