you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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