i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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