You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
