Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
