New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
All I want is dick and wine.
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