He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
