i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
