the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He better not be in your backpack
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
