i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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