because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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