So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
