I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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