Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I wish they made helmets for livers.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
