i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
