The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
