and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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