I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Can't talk, ducks in the car
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
