Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
