You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Watching her eat just hurts me
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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