I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
