he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
