i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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