I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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