I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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