I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
