I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
