He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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