That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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