Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
