he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
