I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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