He uses pillows to masturbate.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
