she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
