he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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