Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
