I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
