Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Do you have feelings for this penis?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
