So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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