u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
