Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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