Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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