i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
