Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
